After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
