just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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