Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
