Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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