ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
