yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
