Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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