I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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