His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
not ubering you a puppy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
