You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
