Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
