he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
