i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
