Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
