I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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