So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
