you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
