He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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