dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
