I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
