God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
