Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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