I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
