Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
