i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
