There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
