I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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