Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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