im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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