My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
