I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
