you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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