R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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