I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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