I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
