wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
