"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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