bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
