So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
