dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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