Yo dont text me then not text me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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