arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
