The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
