Im at strip club and am horny
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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