I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
