I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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