I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
