my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
where are my eyebrows?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
