Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
