And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
